By Adil Hakeem
I’m only a three-month-plus-old soldier (unlike most of the people in my batch, who enlisted three to five months earlier), and yet it already seems like a long time! I’m not here to preach about the virtues of the army or how to survive it, but I thought even an experience as short as mine would be worth sharing, given that it has changed me quite a fair bit.
By Anonymous
Please Mind the Platform Gap is a fortnightly column aimed at preparing Year 4 RI and RGS students for the challenges of JC life. Written by Year 5s from Raffles Press who have “been there, done that”, each piece covers a different aspect of life “on the other side”. This week, we outline some dating models for you.
Disclaimer: The following is personal advice which should be internalised with discretion. The writer will not be held responsible for relationship crises or sudden inclinations to sing Gotye in the shower.
Relationships can sometimes be like drugs—our parents, teachers and seniors all tell us it’s a bad idea to get into them, but once we enter JC, suddenly everyone’s doing it…Just kidding!
While not everyone dates in JC, attraction is usually an inevitable biological tendency. It may be intimidating to navigate the messy, unfamiliar and ambiguous territory of opposite-gender relationships…especially when the spectre of a crush begins to loom over your every thought, rose-tinting your worldview with the intoxicating, heady scent of romance.
So, you like this girl/guy, and he/she likes you too. What are your options?
There are many ways to go on from here. We humbly present you a list of possible (but not exhaustive) alternative relationship models that can be adopted in negotiating the boundaries and eventual path of a relationship with that special someone, be it from your OG, class, CCA, etc. It is important to remember the key prerequisite assumed throughout this guide: the attraction must be mutual. This can be confirmed through a mutual friend, intuition/inference, or for the gutsy, a Confession.
Go with the Flow
This is the most natural method, less a model than an anti-model. You basically follow your gut and let your heart lead you in the progression from pal to paramour. While this seems more authentic and less calculating, it can sometimes result in irrational or myopic courses of action. For example, rushing into a purely chemical romance without getting to know the other person’s true colours. Thus you should only ‘go with the flow’ if you are confident that you both can keep impulses in check and priorities in order. However, you should eventually define the boundaries and expectations of the relationship or risk frustration and misunderstanding.
Just Friends
Though a close cousin of “Go with the Flow” in its ambiguity, the ‘Just Friends’ approach includes an indefinite period of careful (but flexible) distance between both parties. Do not underestimate this approach, however; it can be a refreshing and stress-free alternative of simply enjoying the companionship of someone you really like but don’t want to complicate matters with. (Believe us, the last thing you want is to put your Facebook relationship status as “It’s Complicated”.) Of course, you can’t stay ‘just friends’ forever if you both feel more than just friendship towards the other party; if things develop, it’s important to confront and express your feelings rather than ignore them.
The Trial
Both parties mutually consent to a defined or undefined period of time in which the boundaries of an actual relationship are assumed. During this period both parties assess the other’s compatibility as a test run of sorts . Commonly referred to as “dating”.
However, this could lead to a dangerous relationship-hopping mindset, wherein immediate compatibility and short-term chemistry are prized over conflict management and commitment.
Unspoken Treaty
This is usually for those who want to prioritise studies (or other aspects of life, if they exist) and do not want the drama of an official relationship. It is a stricter form of “Just Friends” – both parties have a tacit agreement to avoid anything more intimate than just companionship.
Spoken Treaty
This is the “Unspoken Treaty”, but with explicit acknowledgement from both parties. It usually occurs in cases where rumours and teasing from friends have gone overboard, and when both parties have clarified that their main focus is the A levels.
The Pact
This is the “Spoken Treaty”, but with a plan: to consider the possibility of getting together only after the A Levels are over. This has the benefit of allowing you to focus on your studies. Precautions: High level of discipline required, and there is a risk of drifting apart in the interim, losing what ‘could have been’. However, this is not a problem if both parties are in constant contact with each other.
Leap of Faith
This is the ultimate abandonment of all restraint to the torrential stream of feeling. Both parties commit to a full-on relationship, knowing all the risks, complications, and compromise it will entail. We can recommend this only for the absolutely certain. Like they say: easy come, easy go…generally, the faster you rush into a relationship, the easier it is to fall apart.
Dating The Dean’s List
This is probably the approach to JC life your parents will like best – ignore your feelings and study hard! Adherents of this highly recommended approach focus on the consistency and quality of their academic performance, reflecting discipline and passion in the pursuit of their ultimate desire—the Dean’s List. An ardent Year 5 supporter enthused: ‘I only have eyes for the piece of paper outside the SAC.” More persistent suitors might say they have a perverse infatuation with its tendency to play ‘hard-to-get’. This is characterised by a disregard for most relationships as unnecessary, doomed to fail or too early—after all, No Game, No Pain.
Even with this plethora of choices available, one should remember that JC is not all about boys and/or girls. As Year 5 Jun Yan says: “I choose to abstain from relationships not just because of A Levels and studies. It’s also because JC is so much more than that—it’s about making new friends, picking up new hobbies, pondering the big questions in life. Your attention isn’t meant for one person—it’s meant to be shared amongst everyone and everything!”
While an intimate relationship can be an enriching and fulfilling experiential adventure, some of us are better off without the emotional intensity and drama of romance. If you really must, clearly defined priorities and boundaries will be important in the long run, as you juggle your other commitments in life that may suffer due to the consuming nature of young love.
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← Read our previous introduction to relationships in RI here.
Have suggestions for future columns? Tell us about it in our survey here!
By Claire Yip (13A01A)
It’s been just over a week since the Dean’s List for the Year 5s’ CT1s has been put up, but I’ve only looked at it once—furtively, alone, on a quiet afternoon. This isn’t because I’m too cool to care: oh, no, I certainly am not disinterested in the Dean’s List. In fact, I am so very fascinated by it that I would pay actual money for a digital version of it so I could look for trends, take note of recurring names, or just bask in the academic brilliance it extols…from the comfort of my room.
By Zara Nicole Toh (13A01B), Jeremy Yew (13A01B) and Jonathan Tan (13A01C)
Photos by Claudia Koh, Tiffany Ow and Naman Shah from Raffles Photographic Society
Organised by the Touch Rugby girls, IHC Touch Rugby was certainly the place to be for high-speed entertainment, kicking off at the main field on a grey Friday evening. The boy’s results were pretty mixed, with many teams having both draws and wins, and no clear-cut leader. On the other hand, the BW girls dominated that Friday with 3 wins out of 3 matches. Unfortunately, the contrast was stark between the weather and the hyped-up atmosphere, enthusiastic players and a strong showing of supporters; dark clouds rolled in throughout the entire afternoon. Halfway through the matches, the heavens opened up and rain poured down with such a purpose that the games had to be postponed to Monday evening.
By Jonathan Tan (13A01C)
Photos by Nandaru Annabil, Zhi Xuan and Edwin Chow from Raffles Photographic Society
Day 3 of IHC sports saw three sports being contested, namely Tennis, Swimming/Water polo and Basketball, which was the main event held at the newly opened indoor basketball arena.
The Basketball event was hotly contested in the Boys’ category, with the rules allowing for current players to participate in addition to many ex-players who had since quit Basketball since coming to Year 5—it set up an exciting encounter for all 5 houses.
Similarly, the competition on the Girls’ side was equally physical and demanding, with the 5-a-side full court format resulting in breathtaking end-to-end play that exhausted players and required constant substitution to get fresh legs into the game.
For the Boys’ event, BW wrapped up 1st place convincingly with victories in all of their round-robin matches, boosted by a good mix of ex-basketball players and a slew of key members in the current school team line-up. As for the 2nd and 3rd places, MR and MT were tied after the four round-robin matches and thus had to enter a playoff game to decide the overall standings.
This match was undoubtedly one of the most physical matches as both sides pressed hard, determined not to give their opponents any time on the ball or any opportunity to aim a shot properly. BW supporters decked in yellow were vocal in their unabashed support for MT, because a Morrison victory would have ensured that the overall title for basketball for both genders would go to MR.
While the MR-MT decider was played out, the Girls’ final was being concluded on the adjacent court. Due to a two-way tie for 1st place, the ensuing free throw playoff saw MR emerging victorious over HH—everyone’s attention were keenly fixed on the remaining Boys’ match.
The real action of the match came in the last minute, when key plays were executed. With about a minute or so to go on the clock, MT scored a go-ahead goal through Alexzander Loh to lead by 2, only for MR’s Zheng Shun to tie the game up again with a quick reply.
Alex Loh then scored again to give MT the lead, but MR came roaring back, as Zheng Shun not only equalised once again, but scored another layup on a fast break to take a precious lead. With seconds remaining on the clock, MR defended strongly and managed to hold on to win the game, placing MR as overall champions for basketball.
MR vs. MT – Physical and competitive on court, but all smiles off court :)
In addition to Basketball, Day 3 also saw two other events being contested, namely Tennis and Swimming/Water polo.
