April Fool’s

BREAKING NEWS: Teddy to Be Given Away

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Tay Yu Ning (23S06E), Noh Sangeun (23S06Q)

THE END OF AN ERA: It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that Raffles Press announces our beloved cat, Teddy, will be forced to vacate the school premises.

The Ministry of Education (MOE)’s Guidelines for Schools state that “any unauthorised animals on school premises should be evicted for the health and safety of the school population”. 

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Breaking News: Press Sued

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By Faith Ho (22A01A) and Shermaine Lim (22S03N)

It is with deepest sorrow that Raffles Press is announcing that we have been recently involved in a lawsuit with a company that we are unable to name as of now.

We have outlined the chronology of events in this article, as we want to be fully transparent and accountable to our readers. We hope that you can support us through this difficult time. 

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We’re Going to Build a Wall…

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By Koo ii (21S05A)

And no, it’s not the one you’re thinking about.

Press will be putting up a paywall on Word of Mouth. For the uninitiated, a paywall is a setting on a website that only permits viewers who have paid for a subscription to view its contents. (For the even more uninitiated, Word of Mouth is Raffles Press’ online news publication, the website this article is published on.)

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Canteen Food Prices to Rise in the Coming Month

Reading Time: 3 minutesBy Tay Jing Xuan (20S03C) and Jerome Tay (20S06Q)

Readers have good reason to be excited about this coming National Day, with it having begun to unravel itself in ways unlike its predecessors. If you are pondering over prospective gifts to present the nation with, fret no longer. The Executive Committee of the canteen has come up with an ingenious idea to help all ye faithful patriots.

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BREAKING: Waffle Press Acquires Raffles Press

Reading Time: 2 minutesIn a move almost worthy of an April Fools’ maneuver, Waffle Press announced its acquisition of its officially-sanctioned counterpart, Raffles Press. In a smugly-worded email to Raffles Press’ Head of Monitoring Waffle Press, Waffle Press announced that it will have 95% ownership of Raffles Press with effect from Monday.

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