Category: April Fool’s

Canteen Food Prices to Rise in the Coming Month

By Tay Jing Xuan (20S03C) and Jerome Tay (20S06Q)

Readers have good reason to be excited about this coming National Day, with it having begun to unravel itself in ways unlike its predecessors. If you are pondering over prospective gifts to present the nation with, fret no longer. The Executive Committee of the canteen has come up with an ingenious idea to help all ye faithful patriots.

Continue reading “Canteen Food Prices to Rise in the Coming Month”

BREAKING: Waffle Press Acquires Raffles Press

In a move almost worthy of an April Fools’ maneuver, Waffle Press announced its acquisition of its officially-sanctioned counterpart, Raffles Press. In a smugly-worded email to Raffles Press’ Head of Monitoring Waffle Press, Waffle Press announced that it will have 95% ownership of Raffles Press with effect from Monday.

Continue reading “BREAKING: Waffle Press Acquires Raffles Press”

Cat Cafe in RI?

We refer to our article dated 1/4/2015 titled “Cat Cafe To Open in Raffles Institution”. Observant readers would have noticed that the article was published on the 1st of April, known to most as April Fool’s Day, and contained certain questionable claims such as a tuna wrap being the main dish in a cat café. However, it appears that some members of the public have taken this to heart.

We are delighted that our attempt to provide entertainment to our readers has been so terribly effective.

Happy Wednesday.

Our best wishes,
Press Editorial Team (PET)

QOTD: “Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.”- Michel de Montaigne

BREAKING: Students To Pay For Wi-Fi, Gym Usage

BREAKING NEWS – RI is planning to charge students for the use of non-essential shared school facilities, in an effort to cut costs. The changes are expected to affect both Year 1-4 and Year 5-6 students and are effective from the 2nd of April. We have been assured that the changes have been made “after due consideration … with the best interests of students in mind.”

gotopayment2

Raffles Press has been informed that the school WLAN network, the gyms, the Hong Leong Swimming Pool, the Library and the Open Labs will all come under the umbrella of chargeable facilities. Internet rates are expected to be competitive, with the school planning to charge $2 per hour of use. The library entrance fee will be 20 cents, and is going to be deducted from student ez-link cards upon entry. Charges for pool and gym usage will also be lower than that of existing alternatives, with a flat $4 weekly fee for unlimited entry into both facilities. We understand that this scheme will be integrated with the goto.ri portal, providing students an easy way to track the amount which they owe the school on a weekly basis.  Specific to Internet usage, we have been told that upon trying to log in, students will be met with a pop-up warning them of the new payment model.

Current goto.ri login page
Current goto.ri login page

To ensure that CCAs will still have access to crucial facilities, we also understand that group rates have already been calculated and deducted from their respective budgets. Shooting team captain, Magdalene Teo (14A01B), shared, “It’s really unfortunate that we now have to pay for using the Internet or the school gym. I’ve had to keep all our rifles at the back of my class to avoid paying the storage charges. But what can we do?” Daniel Boey, the captain of the track team told us that “(the track team) has resorted to bench-pressing old car tyres and sneaking into condominium gyms in an effort to save on club funds.”

Student response to this pay-per-use scheme has, understandably, been mixed. Lim Buff Boey (14S04A) argues, “The school could have cut costs in other ways – like shutting off the air-con. Why charge for the gym and the swimming pool?” Concerned parent Mrs. Ong Kay Poh added: “We already pay for these facilities through school fees! Why charge extra?” On the flip side, Anthony Slacker (15S06C) pointed out that “students who rarely use these shared facilities and have 3G access have little to worry about.”

Based on such feedback from students and Council, the school intends to roll out package plans in the near future, bundling certain services based on student preferences – the Study Package, for instance, will grant students unlimited Internet access, weekly use of the Open Labs and the school library. Download this document for more information on these packages: Package Information (Student Only). For the school announcement in PDF format, click here: Facility Charges Announcement (Student)