Humour

Don’t Test Me

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Johnathan Lim Yang Kai (23S03M)

A guide to staying positive while testing positive.

As the former President of the United States, Donald Trump once said, “If we stop testing, we’d have fewer (reported) cases.

Personally, I love the intuitive logic of that statement. After all, what happens if we want to be responsible and test for COVID-19? We run the risk of testing positive! 

And what if you test COVID-19 positive? Chaos ensues.

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BREAKING NEWS: Teddy to Be Given Away

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Tay Yu Ning (23S06E), Noh Sangeun (23S06Q)

THE END OF AN ERA: It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that Raffles Press announces our beloved cat, Teddy, will be forced to vacate the school premises.

The Ministry of Education (MOE)’s Guidelines for Schools state that “any unauthorised animals on school premises should be evicted for the health and safety of the school population”. 

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Cupid’s Special: A Hopeless Romantic’s Guide to Escaping the Single Life in RI

Reading Time: 9 minutes

By Azzahra Osman (22S03P), Keiran Koh (22S06M), Ting Kaily (22S03P), with contributions by Neha Rajkumar (22S03P)

It’s that time of the year again. Love is in the air: bouquets are being sold like hotcakes, restaurants are charging exorbitant prices for Valentine’s Day Specials, your Instagram stories are flooded with cheesy couple posts and… you are single. Fret not, your trustworthy love experts are here to share some secrets to spicing up your sad and non-existent romantic life just in time for the upcoming Valentine’s Day! 

(Note: This guide is only applicable to you if you have someone (a.k.a. a Love Interest) in mind or if you are just tired of being single.)

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Breaking News: Press Sued

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Faith Ho (22A01A) and Shermaine Lim (22S03N)

It is with deepest sorrow that Raffles Press is announcing that we have been recently involved in a lawsuit with a company that we are unable to name as of now.

We have outlined the chronology of events in this article, as we want to be fully transparent and accountable to our readers. We hope that you can support us through this difficult time. 

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