By M.B. Dharshni (25S03O) and Xu Chenyuan (25S06I, Peer Helper)
Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and the Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.
“I was rejected from Students’ Council, but many of my peers have gotten accepted for Council or other leadership positions. What did I do wrong? I cannot stop thinking about it and comparing myself to others.”
Dispirited Diana
Dear Diana,
It is a truth universally acknowledged that failure is normal, and is part and parcel of life; but it is also painfully true that every time we face rejection, it never fails to hurt. After putting so much hard work into an application you were really passionate about, seeing “Unsuccessful” or getting that rejection email crushes our spirits instantly.
The first step to recovering from the rejection? Let out your emotions. Take time to understand how you feel, and accept the feeling of disappointment or dejection. Cry it out, or talk to a trusted friend about how you feel – anything that helps you to process your emotions in a way that comforts you.
While these feelings are unpleasant, casting them aside will only make you feel worse in the long run. Allow yourself this short period of mourning, but try to move on eventually, and not dwell on the matter for more than a few days.
Seeing your friends succeed might also lead to feelings of resentment or jealousy, which is perfectly understandable. But as difficult as it might be, learn to celebrate their wins too. Taking pride in the accomplishments of loved ones, rather than chasing our own success, is what ultimately gives more meaning to our lives. Consider that feeling disappointed about your own circumstances and being proud of your friends’ accomplishments are not mutually exclusive.
When an opportunity is presented to us, it always hurts to see it fly away, especially knowing how hard we tried to grab at it. Stepping up to run for Council or any leadership position takes courage, and you should commend yourself for rising to the challenge. Recognise that you gave it your all to achieve something you wanted, but this time, it didn’t work out so well.
Instead of viewing the rejection as proof of your inadequacy, take this as an opportunity for self improvement. Why did you get rejected? Were those situations preventable on your part, or was it due to someone else’s incompetency? Or do you completely have no idea what the reason was? No matter what your answer to these questions are, it is important for you to take this as a lesson and reflect on yourself.
At the same time, you can also take this as an opportunity to evaluate your character traits! Perhaps you discovered that you work better alone, or if you perform better under pressure. It could even be an opportunity to assess whether you’re taking enough time to build relationships or show empathy toward others. Regardless of the reasons for rejection, using this experience to grow and refine your strengths and weaknesses can ultimately help you grow as a person, and still gain from the experience.
Although it may seem like it for the time being, a single rejection letter is not the end. There are many other different leadership opportunities to give back to the student population, such as CE01s or being a peer helper! You can also give back to the community and gain unique and invaluable experiences from these positions.
Not getting into Council or CCA EXCO may seem like a huge deal to you right now, but your journey in junior college has just begun. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and in a few years’ time, our crushing failures and embarrassing incidents will become memories of the past. Although it’s difficult to imagine now, eventually, you will grow to look at these experiences with gratitude.
A cold harsh truth about life is that you’re going to fail. A lot. Tens, hundreds and maybe even thousands of times. Recognise this, but never allow it to diminish your confidence or use it as an excuse to give up reaching for new opportunities.
After all, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. How you choose to deal with such failures will determine how successful your future attempts will be. Learn to view the shots that you do miss as an opportunity to reflect, grow and increase your chances of making the next one.
And if you fail again? Give yourself a pat on the back, pick yourself up and keep going – there’s still a world of opportunities waiting to be seized!
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset
If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Tuesday from 2.30 – 4.30 p.m, Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 3.00 p.m., Thursday 2.30 – 4.30 p.m. and Friday 1.30 – 4.30 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers/peer-helping-request!
