By Yvonne Cheung (25S03S)

Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and the Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.

Dear Struggling Shirley,

These worries of yours are all too understandable! In RI, peer pressure hangs heavy in the air like humidity during the unyielding monsoon season—unavoidable and, at times, dense and overwhelming. Whether it’s academics, sports or even VIA contributions, there’s often a silent expectation to keep up. Our naturally competitive and academically rigorous environment acts as a constant undercurrent, pushing everyone towards excellence. But it can also make it easy to feel swept up in comparison, feeling the weight to match the pace of those around you.

  During promo season, there is no doubt that the intensity of these currents reaches its peak as all our peers are racing towards the finish line. The rushing tide may sweep you off your feet if you do not anchor yourself and find your personal balance.

Pros and Cons?

Peer pressure often walks a fine line, acting as both a driving force and a trap which ensnares the unsuspecting. On the upside, when surrounded by your hardworking friends, it can be the perfect push to help you stay on track in your revision! When setting goals together and genuinely cheering each other on, it’s hard not to feel inspired. In moments like these, peer pressure becomes less about competition and more about lifting each other up, turning hard work into a shared journey as group study sessions feel less like a chore.

On the flip side, peer pressure isn’t always a cheerleader; sometimes, it’s more like that academic rival who never lets you take a breather. When everyone around you seems to be chasing perfection—completed supplementary worksheets, 16 hours study days on YPT and straight As for promos—it’s easy to feel left behind. Instead of feeling motivated, you might find yourself stuck in a game of endless comparison, questioning if you’re doing enough. You may even feel a distinctive sense of shame for being ‘behind’ and become avoidant surrounding the topic of studying. In those moments, studying with your friends is really the last thing you want. So how can we strike a balance on the tightrope of peer pressure?

Creating Boundaries

The first thing you might want to try is being honest with your friends. Communication is key in setting your boundaries, but feel free to leave out the details if you are unwilling. A simple ‘I have a lot to do today and I focus better on my own!’ can really go a long way. Know that you really do not owe your friends an explanation for everything you’re struggling with, but approaching the problem openly and setting boundaries can really help lessen the unwanted blow of peer pressure.

If you are comfortable with the occasional study sessions but find they become overwhelming if too frequent, you could try scheduling them in limited amounts. By having a couple of group study sessions a month followed by adequate time to study alone, a balance you are happy with can be reached. This way, you also have greater control over your study environment and can experience the positives of peer influence without being overburdened.

Furthermore, you can try subtly changing the topic in your conversations with your friends when comparing grades, answers from exams, or how late they were up last night studying. Of course, it’s not always easy or courteous to cut people off and change the subject, so you may want to try tuning the conversation out or taking everything with a pinch of salt,especially as they may tend to exaggerate.

Getting our priorities straight

At the end of the day, you have to prioritise yourself. There is no need to feel guilty or selfish for not wanting to shoulder the burden of peer pressure. Remember that everyone learns differently and at their own pace, whether in promo revision, school, or life in general. Some thrive under the competition whilst others prefer to be in their own world. If protecting your peace and being blissfully unaware of the progress of others works for you, that is completely okay! Your friends likely just want to support you, and by being open about your preferences, you are more likely to find a balance that keeps both your stress levels and friendships intact.

As has often been said, ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. There is no one-size-fits-all formula on the path to success. In fact, the very idea of success is often a moving target that should be solely influenced by your personal aspirations and distinct journey. In an environment as competitive as ours, one should not get caught in its whirlwind of expectations. When blinded by comparison, it becomes easy to lose sight of the journey and progress we have made. Instead of measuring your worth by how you stack up against others, focus on personal growth and the milestones you achieve along the way, no matter how small.

So you may not be clocking in a whopping 18 hours on YPT. And maybe you are a little behind on your practice papers. Don’t stress. You know what needs to be done in your seemingly endless list of exam preparation tasks, but worrying about what others might think about your progress is not one of them. If you still find yourself tossing and turning from the pressure of it all, remember everyone else is likely just as preoccupied with their own worries, too busy covering their own bases to judge you.

Ultimately, it is about finding peace amidst the chaos. Find your balance and maintain it, and work hard to protect your peace and progress. Let the pressure work to your benefit but don’t let it consume you. It’s easy to think that everyone else has it all figured out, but trust me, they’re likely navigating their own challenges too. Instead of focusing on what others are doing, lean into what feels right for you. Peer pressure is a double-edged sword—wield it or get cut, use it or toss it. The choice is yours. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset

If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 3 – 5 p.m., and Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 1.00 p.m.
If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website: https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers