Things People Search, Vol. 3: Take Me to Search

By Soh Ying Qi (18A01C)

The Word of Mouth search bar. Always handy, always helpful, (nearly) always reliable. But behind the scenes, what our readers key into it is a different story. Here are some of last term’s very best queries, taken from your collective search history.

(Vol. 1 | Vol. 2)

Note: Queries posted here are completely unedited.

1. We Faced the Challenge of the Day: to Give Our School a Name

We think it’s safe to say that when Stamford Raffles held the torch, he probably didn’t cast the Promethean flame very far.

  • “nanyang girls cca” – Apr 2018
  • “nus cca” – Apr 2018
  • “notable singapore lse” – Apr 2018
  • “acjc vs pjc ultimate” – Apr 2018
  • “hwa chong fengshu9” – Apr 2018
  • “cjc history h2” – Apr 2018
  • “cjc linguistics” – May 2018
  • “hci subject combi” – May 2018

 

2. Auspicium Melioris Aevi

Although, to your credit, this term featured plenty of RI-specific queries. Which isn’t to say that they weren’t… interesting.

  • “how are students sorted into houses in raffles institution” – Mar 2018 (By Sorting Hat, obviously.)
  • “lifw at ri” – Mar 2018
  • “hope of a better age meaning” – Mar 2018
  • “councilling raffles institution” – Apr 2018
  • “raffles institute pe attire” – Apr 2018
  • “rafffles junpir collee boys terptypes” – Apr 2018 (You know you’ve failed when four out of five words in your query have red squiggly lines.)
  • “raffles institution clock tower” – Apr 2018
  • “temple beside raffles institution” – Apr 2018
  • “raffles institution harvard mit admittance offer” – May 2018
  • “life of raffles institution” – May 2018
  • “raffles institute + school map” – May 2018
  • “does ri have a third language” – May 2018
  • “raffles instituition haunted stories” – Jun 2018 (Alternatively: #ghostlygriffles.)
  • BONUS: “badminton coaching rhode island” – May 2018 (I think you’ve got the wrong RI!)

 

3. The Dark Side of the Force

(In other words: join the arts stream. You know you want to.)

  • “pcme meaning singapore” – Apr 2018
  • “jc science stream requirements” – Apr 2018 (If you’re RP, pass your sciences; if you’re JAE, get a B3 for them.)
  • “benefits of studying arts stream singspore” – May 2018
  • “h2 science or humanities which is harder” – May 2018
  • “why people take science and not arts in jc” – May 2018 (I too wish I knew!)
  • “can junior college arts stream scored well” – May 2018 (Not with that grammar, but maybe our distinction rates will convince you.)
  • “junior college arts subjects vs science stream.” – May 2018
  • “rafflespress arts stream” – May 2018
  • “art stream career options” – May 2018
  • “can you take h1 history as contrasting subject for bio, chem and math” – May 2018 (Yes, but not in RI.)

 

4. Please Just Go to Tick.Ninja

For the record, it is always a good idea to invest in a ten-year series.

  • “show in bold words geography paper 1” – Mar 2018
  • “h1 project work 2014 questions” – Mar 2018
  • “a level h2 economics 2016 answers” – Mar 2018
  • “text book for chemistry olympiad training at raffles” – Mar 2018
  • “h2 literature past year paper and answer” – Apr 2018
  • “raffles science olympiad pass year paper’ – Apr 2018
  • “h1 math 2016 paper 1 question paper” – Apr 2018
  • “a level knowledge and inquiry model essay” – Apr 2018
  • “how to score for economics” – May 2018
  • “knowledge and inquiry exam questions” – May 2018
  • “singapore chemistry olympiad how to prepare” – May 2018

 

5. Bubble Trouble

TL;DR: LiHo’s cheese tea is surprisingly good, Gong Cha is back. And for some reason, people seem to love asking us about both of these things.

  • “0% sugar milk tea” – Mar 2018
  • “liho best drink” – Apr 2018
  • “koi liho or gong cha” – Apr 2018
  • “best liho drinks” – May 2018
  • “most refreshing liho drink” – May 2018

 

6. Love, Actually

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but as always, love is in the air. With cuffing season soon upon us, it’s time to revisit some of this term’s—ahem—curious queries.

  • “is it good to keep underground relationship” – Mar 2018
  • “why u shouldnt date in jc” – Mar 2018 (If you’re looking to be convinced, here’s a good place to start.)
  • “having relationship in jc” – Apr 2018
  • “dating in junior college” – Apr 2018
  • “junior college bgr” – Apr 2018
  • “boy girl relationships in jc” – Apr 2018
  • “is jc the best tkme to date” – Apr 2018 (Depends. But don’t take it from me; take it from the couples we interviewed.)
  • “dating in jc” – Apr 2018
  • “any platformnto have guy friend” – May 2018 (Just… go to school?)
  • “should there be opposite sex relationship among the secondary school students?” – May 2018 (Kids these days!)
  • “are rgs girls pretty” – May 2018 (KIDS THESE DAYS!!)

 

7. Does an Apple a Day Keep the Doctor(s) Away?

The quota for medical students in Singapore, despite remaining eye-poppingly low, apparently hasn’t managed to deter everyone. While we sympathise with your plight, medical hopefuls, this probably isn’t the place for the secrets you so frantically seek.

  • “getting into nus medicine” – Mar 2018
  • “how to get into nus medicine” – Mar 2018
  • “who was yong loo lin” – Apr 2018 (Might be wise to find out before you apply!)
  • “nus medicine interview results 2018” – Apr 2018
  • “nus dentistry admission results” – May 2018

 

8. When in Tekong…

  • “compulsory conscription of women exmaples” – Mar 2018 (Israel, for one.)
  • “why should women also serve ns” – Mar 2018
  • “views on females serving national service” – Apr 2018
  • “debate on singaporean women in army” – Apr 2018
  • “hate people who chao geng” – Apr 2018
  • “white horses in ns” – May 2018
  • “should females be conscripted” – May 2018 (Some think so.)
  • “pes c bmt” – May 2018

 

9. Wakanda Forever! (And Other Marvels)

All I have to say is, we severely underestimated the extent to which Marvel fever would grip the populace. Still, with Black Panther raking in US$7.4 million here, I guess we should have seen it coming. “For Wakanda? Without question.”

  • “raffles press black panther” – Apr 2018
  • “wakanda nigeria” – Apr 2018
  • “wakanda” – May 2018 (Not once, not twice, not even thrice. This was searched twelve times in one month.)
  • “war rhino black panther” – May 2018 (Unless you’re Okoye, don’t even think about it!)
  • “black panther rhino” – May 2018
  • “wakanda from black panther” – May 2018
  • “rhino from black panther” – May 2018
  • “black panther image wakanda” – May 2018
  • “wakanda black panther” – May 2018
  • “black panther wakanda” – May 2018
  • “imagens de wakanda” – May 2018
  • “imagenes de black panther de wakanda” – Jun 2018 (For the record, I love the fact that some Portuguese speaker came to our website, saw the URL, and immediately concluded that this was the best place to find pictures of Wakanda.)
  • “image wakanda” – Jun 2018
  • “black panther stopped the rhino” – Jun 2018
  • captain america winter soldier bucky ugly hidden brother” – Mar 2018
  • “ancient ragnarok images” – Mar 2018
  • “can knights of pendragon get into the mcu” – May 2018

 

10. Singin’ the Blues

People, apparently, really love our take on blue-ticking. Although the following readers would probably be much better off taking the advice of one commenter: “Just turn off blue ticks, save yourself and your friends from the agony.”

  • “blue word with a tick” – Apr 2018
  • “blue ticking someone” – May 2018
  • “he blue ticked me” – May 2018 (The brevity of this one makes it all the more depressing.)
  • “lyrics about being blue ticked on whtsapp” – May 2018
  • “when they blue tick you and go offline without a word” – May 2018 (This sounds like a lyric from a sad country song.)
  • “blue ticked me” – Jun 2018
  • “should i blue tick her” – Jun 2018 (No! Or she’s going to end up searching #3 again.)
  • “how can i blue tick someone on texts” – Jun 2018
  • “how to handle blue ticks” – Jun 2018
  • “what does it mean when you are blueticked” – Jun 2018

 

11. r/AskRaffles

The last time we collected your questions, you memorably asked if Mr Rollason was still alive. (Which, by the way, he is.) In keeping with tradition, this round of queries did not disappoint, and we’ll endeavour to do the same.

  • “what is a jc lecture” – Apr 2018 (Basically: we gather in a big hall and try not to fall asleep for an hour at a time.)
  • “how to sit for sat in singapore” – Apr 2018
  • “how to get euphoria bts on spotify” – Apr 2018 (As I have been reliably informed, you can’t. You can watch it on YouTube, though.)
  • “can i do psychology with physics a level” – Apr 2018 (Yep. All you need is math.)
  • “what capital is pretoria” – May 2018  (It’s the executive seat of South Africa.)
  • “where to study in causeway point on public holiday” – May 2018
  • “why dont the people in pasir ris dog farm allow people to touch the dogs?” – Jun 2018
  • “what are the stages of dance in cca” – Jun 2018

 

12. Assorted Amusements

I must confess: none of these queries have anything to do with one another. (Y’all search a lot of weird stuff that’s almost impossible to categorise!) But they’re funny, and that’s what really matters at the heart of this arguably farcical column.

  • “where to hobo at singapore” – Mar 2018
  • “are ruggers tough” – Mar 2018
  • “raffles press ugly truth behind” – Apr 2018 (Why didn’t they finish their search, you ask? Because we killed this person before they could expose us.)
  • “example of conversation between a principal and the assistant principal” – Apr 2018 (I know we’re a school paper, but this is like, oddly specific.)
  • “what is the meaning of the phrase hustle hit never quit” – May 2018
  • “how to survive life in singapore proson” – May 2018 (Are you planning to be thrown in jail? We have so many questions!)
  • “changi airport group scholarship scholarship rate” – May 2018 (Please free us from the Changi Airport queries. Please.)
  • “other unexpected food courts eg. costco, supermarket, ikea” – May 2018 (Do you, like, walk into food courts not knowing they’re food courts? I’m intrigued.)
  • “calorie in homaido slamon burger macdonald” – May 2018
  • “cap wored with suspenders and bowtie” – May 2018 (Steal his look!)
  • “without faith it is impossible to please god images” – Jun 2018
  • “mac won’t print to printer” – Jun 2018 (Trust me, we’ve all been there.)

 

13. ????

  • “indian group smile png” – Mar 2018
  • “barefoot everyday” – Mar 2018
  • “show tourism icons on mind the gap” – Mar 2018
  • “poker scene cinematography” – Mar 2018
  • “flying thrown judo” – Apr 2018
  • “ancient mummy แร็คthor” – Apr 2018
  • “origami head” – Apr 2018
  • “paper human head” – May 2018 (Honestly, I didn’t want to say it, but y’all have an obsession with heads that is bordering on unhealthy.)
  • “poverty shoes” – May 2018
  • “xxx bload new 2018video” – Jun 2018

 

Honourable Mentions

  • Let’s Not Get Irrational
    • “is h2 math important” – Mar 2018 (Honestly? Not really.)
    • “is h1 math” – Apr 2018 (You know that feeling when doing math leaves you so numb you forget how to finish a sentence?)
    • “need to pass m2 to take h2 math” – May 2018
    • “ri failed math 2 can still take h2 math” – May 2018 (To this poor reader, who queried both of these in quick succession: yes, you can. Just make sure you pass both M1 and M2 overall.)
    • “h2 math syllabus change vectors” – May 2018
  • The Perennial Woes of Project Work
    • “2018 a level project work explained” – Mar 2018
    • “when will a level result project work” – Apr 2018
    • “a for pw” – Apr 2018
    • “is getting a for project work hard” – Apr 2018 (It’s as hard as you make it out to be, basically.)
  • Friendship is Magic
    • “sec achool friends and jc friends” – Mar 2018
    • “no friends in jc” – Apr 2018

    • “friendship in jc” – Jun 2018

  • Whoever Just Gave Up, Keysmashed and Hit Search, Because Honestly Same
    • “syfchvkccz” – Apr 2018
    • “b3comganguscka_po4bl6s613z_5golpnk8xwv0rs7bngatol6_iwnu5i8rgsxlswakcrftk74avcyqkvh0yrvtyalz8xulss6ssgo3vm4phs9_fgknk-tdxgcq1lguh2ynyw2keayrnwzpz89rahorkfawy77jop5a_wisths2qkgdojzaofls_wdunqnnx1wfsw_3ss4tf4ygj15mlkt3v639uqd4xgdt7hlni-i2f3tboejjlxocfho1ub5dummfhcdrf3w18lk_grhfjoqauxcmzhp8eygfuechgvdcwd7-wty5xwgfi3otlmoms7upyuahk7l2myb21dipvqq” – Jun 2018
    • “fhf9sdpkwdxqrc34b3a0oibdno6ia2dkmcpyaykuw2w5l1r4fsoaabvh74qrcywkdxrmtadvvqiovx-vokk2snhfa3dvxzjje8ajcag9a_dxjxinfwumnup3ja5cswgtnhmnvdydqn9djcrdhmjg8r-8l68tsm3qsqkx2yetucm5nspv6tgahty5bghdf7l_igh_bnfbp30vjg3hkfbwx0qkizfmla3xs6nlhnuod3v8epmrhz9ve7ql9uasxkggas92g8voepvak6varb6gfadezwatyef9lunvmgxtx7vbnht6o61n16_j7ompnd5ltmuaq6let9cowh9uty0u2a” – Jun 2018 (Yes, this was a real search.)

     

2 thoughts on “Things People Search, Vol. 3: Take Me to Search”

  1. To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Raffles Press. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of JC life most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also the writers’ nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into their articles – their personal philosophy draws heavily from the Rafflesian Principle of Excellence, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Raffles Press truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in the writers’ existential catchphrase “honestly same” which itself is a cryptic reference to the clone paradox. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as the writers’ genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools… how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Raffles Press tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 Rank points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

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