Things People Search

By Soh Ying Qi (18A01C)

The Word of Mouth search bar. Always handy, always helpful, (nearly) always reliable. But behind the scenes, what our readers key into it is a different story. Here are some of the very best queries from your collective search history.

Note: Queries posted here are completely unedited.

 

1. Our Search Bar Is Not Google

Ours is a primitive device—a simple widget designed to index titles and text bodies for matching terms. It won’t answer your questions like Google does. It won’t even highlight your search terms in a different colour. But that didn’t stop people from asking us about everything under the sun.

  • “who is the judge for busking audition singapore” – Jan 2017
  • “how to remember price menu of food sold in canteen” – Feb 2017
  • “can u eat at national library study longue” – Sep 2017
  • “if keep failing in raffles institution can still do well in a level” – Oct 2017
  • “what makeup should boys do for prom night” – Oct 2017
  • “does pw op exam require entry proof?” – Nov 2017

 

2. It’s Not a Magic 8 Ball, Either

Here at Raffles Press, we can provide you with resources to make informed decisions. What we can’t do is help you make decisions about whether you should pursue these opportunities.

  • “should i retake higher mother tongue o levels” – Jan 2017
  • “economic or geography for jc” – Feb 2017
  • “should i take 4 h2 subjects” – Sep 2017
  • “should i take arts or science stream” – Oct 2017
  • “should i write notes for a level biology raffles” – Oct 2017

(If it’s October and you haven’t started making notes, good luck!)

 

3. She Doesn’t Even Go Here!

It is perhaps pertinent to remind you, good reader, that we have an About Us page, on which we clearly state that we are the newspaper of RI Y5–6. Which makes the following searches all the more mind-boggling:

  • “anderson jc badminton” – Feb 2017
  • “acjc a level results class of 2016” – Feb 2017
  • “acs independent tennis players 2014” – Jul 2017
  • “eunoia uniform” – Jan 2017
  • “hwa chong failing” – Apr 2017
  • “squash hall in hwa chong” – Oct 2017
  • “jurong jc soccer” – Jan 2017
  • “nyjc ki” – May 2017
  • “pioneer jc” – Dec 2017
  • “sajc swimsuit” – Jun 2017
  • “sji uniform” – Jan 2017
  • “tpjc a level results 2016” – Feb 2017
  • “vjc ics vs rjc” – Apr 2017
  • “vjc vs hcjc skirt” – Aug 2017

 

4. Wrong Place, Wrong Time

In fact, sometimes people seem to forget that we’re a JC newspaper at all, leading to this next set of equally confusing queries.

  • “images of happy and sad green apple” – Feb 2017
  • “questions to boyfriend on valentines day” – Feb 2017
  • “sg50 lego instructions” – Apr 2017
  • “g2000 leather belt” – May 2017
  • “busking licence singapore” – Jun 2017
  • “moelc teacher salary” – Sep 2017
  • “puppies for adoption singapore 2014” – Nov 2017
  • “liho milk tea with herbal jelly calories” – Nov 2017
  • “prom dresses for singapore graduates” – Nov 2017

 

5. No Easy Way Out

Think about it this way: if we had the secret to academic and professional success, it would have leaked much earlier and we’d all be attending Harvard on full scholarships. The answer to all these questions? Work hard!

  • “how to score 9 distinction in a levels” – Feb 2017
  • “how to score 90 for chem singapore a” – Jul 2017
  • “how to get a1 o level chinese” – Aug 2017
  • “how to write pw script” – Sep 2017
  • “how to do well for h2 biology practical 2017” – Oct 2017
  • “how to easily get into nus medicine” – Oct 2017
  • “how to get leadership opportunitirs at ri” – Dec 2017

(Here’s a tip: start by spelling “opportunities” correctly.)

 

6. The Specific Ocean

Pro tip: if your query has too many words in it, our search algorithm probably won’t be able to help you.

  • “what are the subject that will be tested in admission to raffles institution year 1 selection test” – Jan 2017
  • “percentage of students getting a1 for e maths physics and chemistry for 2016” – Feb 2017
  • “reflective essay about a choice i regret when i choose physical sciences as my key subject now i fail it” – Aug 2017

 

7. Now We’re Actually Getting Concerned

Once in a while we receive strange queries. More than once I’ve thought about where these people must be now.

  • “jc no friends” – Feb 2017
  • “she’s read my texts but no reply” – Aug 2017
  • “life in peck san teng cemetry” – Sep 2017
  • “jerking movements” – Sep 2017
  • “grandma positioning system” – Dec 2017

 

8. ????

  • “what feminists think the gender” – Jan 2017
  • “combined scirnce can u be a dictor” – Jan 2017
  • “origami human head” – Feb 2017
  • “speech about education is hope for tomarrow” – Feb 2017

 

Honourable Mention

  • The Changi Airport Group Hopeful
    • “cag duty terminal manager salary” – Jan 2017
    • “changi airport scholarship interview” – Feb 2017
    • “cag scholarship forum” – Feb 2017
    • “cag scholarship interview” – Mar 2017
    • “cag overseas posting” – Oct 2017
    • “cag internship” – Nov 2017
  • Doctors Without Bothers
    • “how to become a doctor in singapore from secondary” – Jan 2017
    • “nus medicine interview board” – Feb 2017
    • “nus yong loo lin interview dress code” – Apr 2017
    • “nus medicine admission rate” – Dec 2017
  • Free Tuition
    • “longest transactional speech . it is environment friendly week at your school. you have been asked to address learners and staff on the importance of recycling.” – Feb 2017
    • “as your school prefects ,deliver a speech on your school founders day .” – Feb 2017
    • “dialogue:your principal asked you to address the learners in your school on the importance of recycling.” – May 2017

 

And last but not least, the search to end all searches:

  • “waffle” – Mar 2017

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