Humour

BREAKING NEWS: Teddy to Be Given Away

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Tay Yu Ning (23S06E), Noh Sangeun (23S06Q)

THE END OF AN ERA: It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that Raffles Press announces our beloved cat, Teddy, will be forced to vacate the school premises.

The Ministry of Education (MOE)’s Guidelines for Schools state that “any unauthorised animals on school premises should be evicted for the health and safety of the school population”. 

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Cupid’s Special: A Hopeless Romantic’s Guide to Escaping the Single Life in RI

Reading Time: 9 minutes

By Azzahra Osman (22S03P), Keiran Koh (22S06M), Ting Kaily (22S03P), with contributions by Neha Rajkumar (22S03P)

It’s that time of the year again. Love is in the air: bouquets are being sold like hotcakes, restaurants are charging exorbitant prices for Valentine’s Day Specials, your Instagram stories are flooded with cheesy couple posts and… you are single. Fret not, your trustworthy love experts are here to share some secrets to spicing up your sad and non-existent romantic life just in time for the upcoming Valentine’s Day! 

(Note: This guide is only applicable to you if you have someone (a.k.a. a Love Interest) in mind or if you are just tired of being single.)

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Breaking News: Press Sued

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Faith Ho (22A01A) and Shermaine Lim (22S03N)

It is with deepest sorrow that Raffles Press is announcing that we have been recently involved in a lawsuit with a company that we are unable to name as of now.

We have outlined the chronology of events in this article, as we want to be fully transparent and accountable to our readers. We hope that you can support us through this difficult time. 

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We’re Going to Build a Wall…

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Koo ii (21S05A)

And no, it’s not the one you’re thinking about.

Press will be putting up a paywall on Word of Mouth. For the uninitiated, a paywall is a setting on a website that only permits viewers who have paid for a subscription to view its contents. (For the even more uninitiated, Word of Mouth is Raffles Press’ online news publication, the website this article is published on.)

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Canteen Food Prices to Rise in the Coming Month

Reading Time: 3 minutesBy Tay Jing Xuan (20S03C) and Jerome Tay (20S06Q)

Readers have good reason to be excited about this coming National Day, with it having begun to unravel itself in ways unlike its predecessors. If you are pondering over prospective gifts to present the nation with, fret no longer. The Executive Committee of the canteen has come up with an ingenious idea to help all ye faithful patriots.

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