By Sophie Chong (25A01A) and Kimberly Teo (25S06J, Peer Helper)
Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month
“I sometimes feel isolated because no one shares the same humour as I do. I find it hard to connect, and it becomes awkward when I have to explain a joke because no one got it.”
Troubled Trixie
Dear Trixie,
Finding people who click with you is not easy, so it is completely understandable if you struggle to find schoolmates on the same wavelength as you. Friendships aren’t just about proximity—they’re built on shared understanding, values, and interests, which can take time to discover.
Finding people with the same humour may often be more difficult as you mature.People tend to grow out of what made them laugh when they were younger, and as experiences and perspectives inevitably diversify, what might be funny to a particular person may not be as amusing to others.
The importance of humour
Humour is often considered to be of high significance in a relationship. It creates shared moments of joy, making interactions feel more lighthearted and entertaining. Beyond just entertainment, humour reflects compatibility. Shared laughter acts as a signal that two people see the world in the same way, and it momentarily boosts their sense of connection.
In any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, humour fosters positivity, strengthens resilience, and deepens connections. Studies have found that humour can act as a powerful glue, contributing to the longevity of a relationship by improving the perception of relationship quality (Source). When two people can laugh together, they create a space where they can be themselves without judgment. They feel seen, understood, and supported.
Lastly, humour is uniquely personal. The experiences and interests that contribute to your humour are based on your own distinct experiences. No two people have the exact same perspective, which is why humour can be so different from person to person. So when it feels like people do not “get” your jokes, it can feel like they do not quite “get” you either. It is not just about a joke falling flat—it can feel like a disconnect on a deeper level, as if something about you is not being recognized or appreciated. This can be frustrating, especially when humour is a big part of self-expression.
Embrace what makes you unique
That being said, don’t give up your humour.
There is no reason to feel ashamed or guilty because the majority of others do not understand it. Everyone is different and that is what makes you and your humour special. Just because people do not resonate with your jokes does not mean in any way that your humour is less valuable. Just like music, art, or storytelling, humour comes in countless styles, and its value isn’t determined by how many people understand it right away.
Keep being you
Even if your friends may struggle to understand your humour, that should not deter you from spending time with them. Humour is just one layer of a relationship; there is so much more to connect over. The bond you share with your friends goes beyond just cracking jokes or getting laughs. You can take the time to chat about your shared school experiences, reminisce about special moments, or simply talk about your passions and goals—these simple things can hopefully allow you to bond, and even discover other shared interests with them! These conversations may seem simple or mundane, but they show that you do not always need humour to deepen connections and create lasting memories. Ultimately, humour does not have to be the be-all and end-all of a relationship.
People around you may not always laugh with you, but that does not mean your humour is not worth sharing. It may simply mean that, right now, they might not fully appreciate it. Eventually, you will find the people who do appreciate it —those who laugh not just because the joke is funny, but because they understand you. Until then, keep being yourself. Your humour has value simply because it is yours.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset
If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 3 – 5 p.m., and Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 1.00 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website: https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers
