By Peh Zhi Ning (25A01B) and Xu Chenyuan (25S06I, Peer Helper)
Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.
How do I balance all the different social circles in JC? Especially secondary school friendships as we might lose contact in JC.
Anxious Alethea
Dear Alethea,
Juggling all of your social circles can really be a tough balancing act. Often, in the hustle and bustle of JC life, it can be very difficult to keep up with all of your friends, especially if you’re in a different JC from your secondary school friends. Everyone is always busy with something or another, and it may often feel like you are bound to lose some of them in the sea of lectures, tutorials and CCA.
However, by assuming that you will lose contact with your friends, it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of being the sole divinator of your friendships’ future, why not consult with your pals?
As with all relationships, communication is key. Instead of stewing alone with your worries and fears, communicating your feelings to your friends can put you all on the same page and allay your concerns. Let’s go into how you can do so!
Make The Effort To Connect
If you and your friends have already lost touch with one another, the solution to this is very simple: make the conscious effort to reconnect!
Whether it is going out for lunch, meeting up for 5 minutes during recess, or even just dropping them a “hello” text—these are all some ways to restart a friendship. Even if they don’t warm up to you again immediately, at least you know that you’ve tried your best.
We can only control what we do on our own, and you cannot control your friends’ reactions or responses. If they don’t happen to respond as positively as we hope, do accept that in the grand scheme of things, some of our paths diverge from one another’s. Appreciate that they were friends with you for a season of your life and then let go.
Time Management
JC life can be hectic. Really hectic. At some points, you might feel that something is about to give, and often it can be your social life. However, while we cannot clone ourselves or pause time, we can adopt some habits that can help us better manage our time.
First, you can consider adopting a planner. By writing down and organising the activities you have to complete, you can better schedule your time. This is especially useful in scheduling events with your friends, so that you can go for outings with peace of mind.
Secondly, you can consider your study environment. If the pile-up of lectures and tutorials is what’s keeping you from your friends, you should consider if your environment is conducive to your study. By minimising distractions such as social media notifications and Youtube videos, you can finish much more work in a shorter time frame.
Thirdly, you can consider taking short breaks between your tasks. Often, taking breaks in between study sessions can help greatly in your productivity and memory, as shown in a study conducted by the National Institute of Health. (https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/study-shows-how-taking-short-breaks-may-help-our-brains-learn-new-skills)
By giving yourself time to process and rest, you’re able to absorb and digest far more knowledge than you might have without. This way, you are able to cut down the time you spend studying, and have more time to spend on your social circles.
Be Realistic With Your Goals
Let’s face it. We’re not Thanos from Avengers, Infinity War. We can never balance everything perfectly.
When class first started, you might have found yourself falling out with some of your previous secondary school friends. When this happens, fret not!
There are only 24 hours in a day, and all of us only have that much energy socialise when there are so many other different things on our plate. It is not unreasonable for you to only be able to interact with a certain number of people. Nobody is expected to be talking to everyone all the time.
We are the creators of our own social geometry. We should know our mental volume best, and we should not force ourselves to fill it to the brim. Instead of spending so much time on every social circle, maybe you can consider spending quality time with a few of your circles to get the best experience out of your JC life.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset
If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Monday & Tuesday from 3.00 – 5.00 p.m, Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 1.00 p.m., Thursday 3.00 – 5.00 p.m. and Friday 3.00 – 5.00 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers/peer-helping-request!
