By Bertram Wang (26S06H)
“The bird that pokes its neck out gets shot first.”
This Asian proverb warns against standing out as a target in the crowd. It reminds me of a strikingly similar image: a lone raised hand in a full but silent lecture theatre. But compared to the bird’s fear of being shot to death, what are we students really afraid of being “shot” by—metaphorically?
This fear—a tension in the air, a reluctance to seize the moment, a hesitation to speak up—isn’t a phenomenon confined to lecture theatres. It reflects a broader societal characteristic: a “shy culture” embedded in our reserved Singaporean upbringing. Shyness may be natural, but when it becomes cultural and collective, it’s worth asking how it shapes our communities—and whether it should.
Understanding “shyness”
When you call someone “shy”, people often perceive it as a trait deeply rooted in their character and personality. However, that is not entirely true: scientific research suggests that about 30% of shyness is genetic, while the remaining 70% arises from environmental influences. This points to a deeper truth that shyness has less to do with inherent personality traits, and more to do with the world we live in: a polarised, competitive, and increasingly digital landscape with fewer in-person interactions.
Hence, contrary to popular belief, being shy isn’t the same as being introverted. In fact, it’s an emotion that can impact anyone, regardless of personality type. (Being extroverted doesn’t make you immune!) Shyness is an emotional state fueled by a fear of negative evaluation—a fear of being judged—which causes people to avoid certain situations altogether.
Take the lecture theatre scenario again: the lecturer poses a question, and you do have an answer in mind. You wouldn’t mind sharing it with your friend next to you, but raising your hand? That internal noise of self-consciousness, the thought of everyone noticing you and judging your answer, unsettles you. You second-guess your response, sit up, look around, and wait—“for the right time”, you tell yourself. Then, a lone hand is raised. It isn’t yours. You sigh in relief that you didn’t get embarrassed, but perhaps also in regret, knowing that you missed an opportunity to speak up, to share, and to grow.
To dispel the myth of “shy = introverted” even further, we must recognise that the opposite of “shy” is actually “outgoing”: a tendency to approach people or experiences because confidence outweighs fear. Meanwhile, introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum that measures the degree to which individuals direct their energy and attention towards the inner or external world. Psychologists observe that introverts are energised by solitude and deep thought, whereas extroverts are energised by social interaction and external stimulation. Crucially, either can be shy.
So you might just be an extrovert who wants to reach out, but is instead suffocated in a shell of shyness—mistaking it for “just being introverted.” And even if you are an introvert, you might not yet distinguish between the two, and haven’t uncovered the real you.
“Shyness is inherently painful; Introversion is not.” – Ms Susan Cain, author of Quiet (A bestseller that redefines how we view introversion and its quiet strength)
There’s a difference between being naturally introverted and being socially conditioned into silence by the culture we’re living in.
The broader “shy” culture
If shyness isn’t simply personal, but more so a response to our environment, then it’s worth reflecting on the cultural forces that shape our Singaporean environment. These norms didn’t arise out of nowhere—they were forged through generations of lived experiences. As a small young nation striving to survive in a rapidly shifting world, we’ve grown to be more pragmatic and efficient—inadvertently shaping a reserved and self-conscious culture that perpetuates shyness.
From how we’re taught to prioritise the “correct answer” over open discussion, to the subtle but persistent pressure to always do better, our environment has reinforced a deep fear of getting things “wrong”. In this climate, uniquely Singaporean traits like being paiseh (embarrassed) and kiasu (afraid to lose out), while having propelled us forward, also come with unintended side effects. One of them is a hesitation to speak up, take risks, or step into the spotlight.
But that doesn’t mean we must stay this way. Change is possible—both personally and collectively—and it begins with small steps you take that make the difference.
Don’t “shy” away from advice
In an interview at the Raffles Guidance Centre, Ms Kristie Eng offered insights into this situation. She described it “not as a problem to solve, but as a growth journey”, one that each of us is on, at varying stages and moving at our own pace. It is a path of discovery: to uncover the best versions of ourselves that we are capable of being, enabled by deeper understanding and empowered with a stronger inner confidence.
Wherever we are on that path, the first step is honest, personal reflection: to assess where we are, where we want to go, and how we might “find our voice.” But, growth must be purposeful. Ask yourself: why make this extra effort? It could stem from a genuine desire to learn or a need to overcome a personal barrier. Whatever it is, find that motivation—and hold it with conviction.
Once that purpose is clear, the journey becomes far less daunting. As Ms Eng explains, it can be “broken down into small individual tasks” that feel doable, quantifiable, and approachable. Each small step brings you closer to that goal, and you’ll find that along the way, you’ll grow in far more ways than you would’ve even expected.
“It’s okay to be shy, but to try to get out of your comfort zone is to grow. You’ll find it’s alright.” – Ms Kristie Eng, Youth Guidance Counsellor @ RGC
The future of “shy” society
Our social fabric can’t be rewoven in a day, a week, or even a month. It can, however, be developed and nurtured through the collective small actions each of us take to shape the environment we all share. The simplest ways in which we treat one another go a long way in inspiring similarly thoughtful acts, creating a ripple effect across society.
We could continue the already growing habit of acknowledging so-called strangers: nod to greet someone upon eye contact, verbally thank someone who held your door, or if you’re brave, say hello to a familiar face you always see in the neighbourhood. This doesn’t mean that we all have to become bubbly, outgoing extroverts. It just means taking small, doable efforts that challenge ourselves, reduce the emotional distance of “strangers”, and build connections in our communities.
After all, beyond our personal responsibility of growth, we too have this shared responsibility to nurture an inclusive, vibrant, and conducive environment in which we want to live and grow.
Shy culture will likely remain a part of society, but to what extent it defines us is for us to decide. Small but steady steps can help us not to revolutionise our culture overnight, but to gently evolve it with the times.
The bird who poked its head out may once have gotten shot, but we, as humans, have no excuse – nothing nor no one out there will shoot you! (Certainly not just for raising your hand in class)
