By Aniqa Norhazry (25S03D) and Xu Chenyuan (25S06I, Peer Helper)

Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.

Dear Francis,

Gossip and rumours will always be present in our lives. No matter where we are, who we surround ourselves with or what our interests may be, there is bound to be some sort of gossip, more colloquially known as “tea”, going around our social circles. This is especially relevant in a school setting. With the routine and stress that academics may bring, who wouldn’t want some gossip to “spice up” their otherwise repetitive school life? Albeit the thrill this may bring to those who partake in it, spreading rumours is certainly not fun for those bearing the brunt of it. In that case, how can you not let yourself become a victim of false rumours? Read on to find out!

Source

Maintain Integrity

Philosopher Desiderius Erasmus said it best; prevention truly is better than cure. To prevent the spread of false rumours entirely, transparency is of utmost priority. Consistently demonstrating honesty in your actions and communication with others builds a reputation of trustworthiness, making it less likely for people to believe false rumours. 

This consistency is key, since ensuring your actions align with your values and principles would help establish a strong, positive reputation. Even if you do find yourself in a precarious position (miscommunication, making insensitive remarks, disrespecting boundaries etc), it is at moments like these that your integrity should shine through. Take accountability for your actions, apologise for your mistakes and always strive to be transparent with your peers. 

Keep Calm & Think Positive

Say someone did just start a rumour about you, one so damaging to your reputation and infuriating that you can’t seem to hold back. 

First and foremost, the worst way to resolve this would be by acting irrationally and retaliating with negative emotions. Doing so could irreparably harm your reputation, or worse, prove those rumours to be true. Instead, take a step back, give yourself time and space for your emotions to calm down, and then do a self check-in by labelling your emotions. 

It would help to talk this over with a trusted friend who can give you a different perspective on the issue. Moreover, you should take your time to calmly and clearly counter false narratives with factual information, without being defensive. A level-headed reaction is good for showing others a “nonchalant” attitude, so those who started the rumour would find that you are unfazed by it, and may drop the entire thing altogether in the near future. 

In certain scenarios, people who spread rumours do it to see the effect it has on others. In this case, with a calmer and milder reaction, these people would lose interest when they realise they are not going to get the big reaction that they are looking for. This type of reaction would be best suited for these scenarios.

Surround yourself with the Right People

But what if a rumour has already been started about you, and there is not much that you can do to change that fact? What can you do then, to reduce the impact of these rumours?

One way would be to invest your time into high quality friendships. You can spend more time with your close friends, and put more effort into building deep, meaningful relationships with them. Thus if such problems arise again, you would have a safe space and trusted circle to confide in close friends are also more likely to defend you against false rumours, can offer moral support when you need it, and can provide comfort and advice.

Another way is to show mutual respect, even to those that might have wronged you before. Although it is tempting to fight fire with fire and regard these people with contempt, it is important to show that you are the bigger person. Treat everyone well and equally, and show respect and kindness to others. This would help foster positive relationships and reduce the likelihood of being targeted by rumours in general.

All in all, it is vitally important to act in a way to prevent rumours from being started in the first place. However, in the event that a rumour starts, we can react in the best way possible to minimise the impact and maintain relationships with those who support us. Do not panic, and stay positive!

Sincerely, 

Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset

If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Tuesday from 2.30 – 4.30 p.m, Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 3.00 p.m., Thursday 2.30 – 4.30 p.m. and Friday 1.30 – 4.30 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers/peer-helping-request!