By Michelle Lee (26S07A)

It’s that time of the year again! Get ready for the debut of couples’ matching Crocs Jibbitz, Italian charm bracelets, and a mirror selfie at Haji Lane set to a Daniel Caesar song… 

Are you sick of the February 14th phenomenon, but you also kinda want to join them? Say no more. This is your scientifically proven, foolproof guide on how you can dress to impress. Or don’t. (And take your mirror selfie at Haji Lane alone). 

Step 1: No make-up, no painted nails (applies to both genders) 

Locate the acetone bottle that has been aging in your cupboard like fine wine and wipe your nail polish off. Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter that your nails are discoloured, ridged (?), or have layers of dust older than your last situationship. What truly matters is that you’re showing the world your true self and the state of your hygiene. Even if everyone knows that your hygiene isn’t great and you may be a nail-biter, at least we know you’re proud (or at the very least, not ashamed) of who you are, which is what truly matters. Remember, you’re not being unhygienic, you’re being real. 

The same applies to your face. That 20 minute make-up routine? Unnecessary. You spend 20 minutes applying make-up, 20 minutes touching up throughout the school day, and another 20 minutes removing it all. That’s an hour a day, for 365 days a year. You could be making much better use of that time – for example, streaming your crush’s favourite song for an hour each day so that when the time comes, spotifystatistics.com will show that it’s also your top song! This will show them that you genuinely share the same interests, unlike someone else who bought an $8.50 matcha or Clairo vinyl just this morning. 

Step 2: Hair 

For the guys, hair at the back should not touch the collar. Fringe should not cross the eyebrows when pulled down. (Tip: Don’t want to cut your fringe? Shave your eyebrows instead!)  A simple rule of thumb would be to imagine your crush as your future NS army sergeant. It’s really not difficult, since both of them would want you to respond to their messages within 30 minutes and also have the power to ruin your day. 

For the girls, hair products are to be used only to keep the hair neat and in place. They are not meant to create fancy designs like spiky hair. Hair should also only be black. It can’t be 80% black like your shoes or shade black “when not under the Parade Square sun”. This way, when you’re late for school sprinting to the Marymount gate, stuck in the “Cher, it literally just turned 7:58” queue or hauling yourself up to Level 7 — at your most vulnerable — your crush can’t tell it’s you.

Step 3: Cop the newest on-trend fashion accessory, the RI School Badge  

The school badge must be worn at all times (on the breast pocket for guys). No other object should compete for its prominence. This is quite self explanatory. If you still need further explanation on this, maybe the reason why you’re not impressing others isn’t just how you dress.  

Step 4 (Optional, but highly recommended): Clean shoes

Just like how it’s stated in How to Secure a Date 101 (“Shoes should be clean and in good condition: Students are to wear white-based or dark-based sport shoes/canvas shoes secured with…”) but not enforced in real life, this step is optional. However, benefits of doing so include not letting your crush know that you’ve been pacing outside their classroom for an hour, and not leaving the place dirtier than it was before (i.e. being a decent human being). 

Note: wear whatever socks you want 

Frustrated by all the guidelines? Here’s where you can express and differentiate yourself from all the other short haired, school badge wearing, natural beauties—your socks! Feel free to showcase your favourite colour, animal, fast food brand, or DC character through your socks. However, if your choice is to buy a pair of RI school socks from the bookshop for $7, your chances of securing a date go from 100% to 100-if-they-don’t-notice%. Just saying. 

Finally, the finished look

Congratulations! By following this guide, you have secured yourself a date this Valentine’s! More importantly, you could show up to the date on 14th February 2026  because you didn’t have to stay back for detention. You’re welcome. 

All sections in italics are directly quoted from How To Secure a Date 101 linked here.